You’ve been saving your money and waiting for the right kit to
come along. Suddenly, there it is, and you know it will make
your baby look and run like a dream. Still, the kit costs a
bundle and you want to make sure it adds value and features to
your car. So before you get the kit and go to town, get your car
ready for the fix-up by having a few other things done first.

1. Schedule a tune-up. If your car hasn’t had one for a while,
this is the perfect time to make sure things are running the way
they should. Get the spark plugs changed and have all the inner
workings checked to be sure everything is operational. You don’t
need a dead battery or another inconvenience to mar your
pleasure of the body kit improvements.

2. Get an oil change. Although this routine procedure has
nothing to do with your body kit, just getting it out of the
way, along with the accompanying door lubrications and fluid
checks, will help to ensure that the car is working properly and
ready to go. Then after your body kit work is done, you can
drive anywhere you want, as long as you want, without worrying
about the little incidentals that could crimp your style. Your
car will drive better than ever without the hassle of planning
extra needed maintenance.

3. Fix body dents and check the tires. Find an affordable
expert who can take out the dings in the door and restore the
fenders to their original condition. Make sure the tires are
inflated properly, or consider buying replacements for those
that are badly worn. Getting your car into solid physical shape
will make you feel even better about ordering the body kit to
enhance your vehicle.

4. Get a detailed interior cleaning and exterior wash. Although
you could wait until after you use your body kit to have the
cleaning done, why not go all out and make your car look great?
You can always have a second, less important cleaning afterward.
Removing dirt, grease, debris, and smudges, especially in the
areas affected by your body kit, will prepare your car for any
body kit you want to install. You will feel like you have a new
car when you get the vehicle looking great inside and out.

5. Have minor problems fixed in advance. Even though a tiny
rattle or infrequent engine knocking may not seem important
right now as you are getting ready to use your body kit, why not
get rid of these minor irritations before they become major
problems? If there is a loose screw or dangling wire, it’s
better to take care of these now in case they get in the way of
the updates you want to make with your body kit.

Even though a body kit may not seem like a big deal, getting
your car ready for it will increase your anticipation and
enhance your car’s appearance and function.

This is probably a guide that most telemarketers wish they were given before they began their job. The truth is, telemarketing is hard work. People don’t like being called in the middle of dinner only to be asked what brand of toothbrush they prefer or if they would be interested in a free trial subscription to Redbook. Potential customers can get very nasty. Some will simply hang up, but what happens when you get one who actually wants to talk to you? These tips on handling those who do and those who don’t will help a lot.

Telemarketers are given a script. They are told under no uncertain terms to follow the script. But the truth is, these scripts can get annoying and make you sound like a robot. So if you find an opportunity to get away from the script, even a little bit, do it. Don’t let your supervisor bully you. If he should catch you and asks you why you deviated from the script, tell him that you felt it was necessary to do so. If you ended up making a sale, show him your sheet. That should shut him up.

Part of the script is of course inserting your name. This is something you’ll only learn from experience but if you are of an ethnic background, such as Jewish or Spanish, you need to have an understanding of the area you’re calling. For example, if your name is Sam Goldberg and you’re calling an area that you know to be predominantly Jewish, then by all means keep your real name, but if you’re calling an area that you know to be predominately Christian then you might want to think of changing your name to a more Christian sounding or even neutral sounding name for these areas. Perhaps Stan Green will do fine. Believe it or not, it makes a difference to how people will relate to you.

When talking to people on the phone who are generally interested in what you have to offer, if they ask you a tough question, one that you know the answer to will not make them happy, don’t lie. It will only come back to haunt you and the company in the form of a returned item or worse. Tell them the truth, but always stress the benefits over that one negative. Try to make the customer see that it would be in their best interests to at least give your product a try. Tell them that it comes with a money back guarantee so they can always return it if they’re not satisfied.

If you’re a telemarketer doing a demographic survey where you have to ask the person a lot of questions about themselves and their buying habits, try to mix in some casual discussion with the questions. For example, say you are asking them what their favorite soap is and they say a brand that you never heard of. Tell them you never heard of it. Ask them what they think of it. Ask them if it’s any good. If they say it’s great tell them that you may try it sometime. Be personable with these people. It will make the conversation go a lot quicker.

More important that anything else, be yourself. Try to enjoy what you’re doing. If you let your personality shine through in the calls then people will enjoy talking to you and your job will be a lot easier. For those who are nasty with you and hang up on you, don’t take it personally. Shrug it off and move on to the next call.

Michael Russell
Your Independent guide to Telemarketing

Are you considering fishing in the Potomac River? If so, you shall use lures if you wish to catch trout and it is better to catch trout away from the shoreline at least 50 yards and if you use live bait you only catch catfish and the bottom feeders close to shore. No, not politicians (bottom feeders). It takes a lobbyist to do that, but occasionally you can catch them.

Maybe if you put $100 bill and caste a line out there maybe you will catch a politician? Apparently the politicians also stay close to the shoreline so they are never too far away from a lobbyist, which will buy them free lunch. If the FBI really wants the cleanup Washington D.C. from corruption perhaps they should finish in the Potomac River using hundred dollar bills and pose as lobbyist. Meanwhile you probably wished to talk about fish don’t you?

Well, the reason why fishing in the Potomac produces so many bottom feeders is because the River is very shallow close to the shoreline. And this makes it a great place for catfish and other bottom feeders. The trout like more room to swim in and so you have to find an area that is a little deeper and there are many such areas. If you have a good fish finder and small sonar that will certainly help. Otherwise you need to ask the locals were the best fishing is. Luckily the Potomac River has a lot of fish in it. Please consider this in 2006.

“Lance Winslow” – Online Think Tank forum board. If you have innovative thoughts and unique perspectives, come think with Lance; http://www.WorldThinkTank.net/wttbbs/

During the course of his celebrated career, Rush Limbaugh invented the term “adult beverages” to refer to alcoholic drinks so as not to offend mothers with young children listening to the show. But no insight was given on where to find the best dittohead adult beverages. That’s why I created The Dittohead’s Guide to Adult Beverages, a political humor book fans of the show will love.

Just try out these great recipes:

ENVIRONMENTALIST WACKO WHISKEY

Glass: Your Own Cupped Hands

Ingredients:

1 Part Triple Sec (as long as it wasn’t made in a wicked corporate factory)
2 Parts Whiskey (homemade by Sierra Club members in an earth-friendly distillery)
1 Part Grain Alcohol (flammable liquid used by the Earth Liberation Front to burn SUVs)
1 Frozen Pond (the result of any number of man-made environmental catastrophes)
1 Dolphin (the pinnacle of creation, according to environmentalist wackos)

Instructions: First, cut several ice cubes from the surface of a frozen pond (these should be abundant due to the smog effect blocking the sun’s rays in preparation for the coming ice age). Avoid using a freezer to produce your ice cubes, because freezers are a capitalist-concocted first cousin of man’s worst enemy – the air conditioner. Next, combine ingredients (along with your pond cubes) in your own cupped hands. Don’t you dare use a glass instead of your hands, because the process of making glass destroys Mother Earth.

Origin: This adult beverage is named in honor of environmentalist wackos, a fringe movement (not to be confused with serious and responsible ecology-minded people) that believes mankind is the greatest threat to nature, seeks to destroy private property, and longs to establish a socialist regime to impose their nuttiness on the rest of us.

Special Note: For years environmentalist wackos have told us that dolphins are superior to humans – despite the absence of dolphin highways, libraries, or institutions of higher learning. But for all their supposed brilliance, I challenge any environmentalist wacko to find a dolphin that can make an adult beverage as good as this one!

EL RUSHBO

Glass: A Highball Glass Emblazoned with the EIB Network Logo

Ingredients:

1 Part Rum (shares the first two letters of its name with Rush!)
2 Parts Blue Gatorade (consumed while playing a round of golf in honor of Rush)
2 Parts Sprite (in recognition of capitalist lemon-lime soda companies)
1 Prestigious Attila the Hun Chair (symbolic of complete radio industry dominance)
Talent on Loan From God (why liberals don’t stand a chance against El Rushbo)

Instructions: Utilizing talent on loan from God (assuming that, unlike most liberals, you acknowledge the existence of God), combine ingredients in a highball glass emblazoned with the EIB logo and top off with whipped cream (but please use the whipped cream in this adult beverage recipe the way Rush would use it and not in the manner in which Bill Clinton would use it). Enjoy from the comfortable confines of your own Attila the Hun chair, the undisputed seat of talk-radio industry power.

Origin: This dittohead adult beverage is affectionately named in honor of Rush Limbaugh – lover of mankind, protector of motherhood, supporter of fatherhood (in most instances), general all-around good guy, and a man designated by the US Department of Education as a bona fide “weapon of mass instruction.”

Special Note: This adult beverage is documented to almost always taste great, 96.712 percent of the time, just as El Rushbo is documented to be almost always right, 97.963 percent of the time!

Britt Gillette is author of The Dittohead’s Guide to Adult Beverages (Regnery 2005), a political humor book for fans of Rush Limbaugh.

What is the first thing you look at when you receive a new offer
for credit? For most people, the answer to this question is that
they look at the maximum limit they can spend. In fact, what is
more important, and should be the first thing you look at with
any new offer of credit, is the interest rate. Credit or
interest rates are decided by the lender and can vary by such a
huge amount from lender to lender, that they can make a huge
difference to your financial security and well being.

For instance, if you are offered an interest rate that is
significantly higher than the levels you are currently enjoying,
the advice is to refuse such offers as you are already getting
better rates from other lenders. Of course if you are desperate
for increased credit limits and are unable to get more on your
current credit rate with your existing credit provider, then the
increased rate may still be attractive to you, but if this is
not the case, as it is not for many customers, then you should
refuse the offer.

While the credit rate expressed in the APR or annual percentage
rate, is generally considered to be the cost of the credit,
there are other terms of the agreement that will affect the true
cost of the credit. For example, if one credit provider seems to
be offering you a lower rate, but requires the loan to be
secured over your home or other property, this is an added cost
you should factor into your considerations. Also, if the lender
provides you with a very short interest free period in which to
pay your bills, this is not as low an interest rate as it
appears.

Another thing that you should be looking at when considering
credit rates, is the various charges, penalties and fines that
the credit provider may charge to your account in certain
conditions. For example, a low credit rate may not be quite so
low if there is a monthly or annual fee for the card. Likewise,
if you are going to be subject to drastic fines and penalties
for late payments, the offer may not be as attractive as it at
first appeared. Some credit rates are only introductory and only
last for a few months before jumping to a higher rate, others
will only apply so long as you keep your payments on time and if
you fail to do this will jump to a higher rate.